insanityparade

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2006-11-06T09:28:00.000+13:00

stop the boat.

so im normal

2006-04-25T00:36:00.000+12:00

yeah, normal like a goth

Post one hundred and sixty six

2006-04-04T08:08:00.000+12:00

no better than i am now

im black!

2006-03-07T22:46:00.000+13:00

yes insanityparade is running again, but for how long?

everythng is peachy. wesotn, alice, peter, paul, erin, tony, laurance, ummmm, adam kate inez, nipples, nathan, pearly wearly, olly.........fuck olly..............ummmmmmmmmm yeah so its a long time and drugs and ghats and weird no emotions. school. grafotn goth scene goth scene goth cene fish.

I'm hard yet soft, I am coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet. I am jelly. What am I?

2006-02-26T23:25:00.000+13:00

alone

new blog

2006-01-29T16:12:00.000+13:00

my new blog is located at www.ignorethesafetyword.blogger.com

hey

2006-01-28T23:36:00.000+13:00

"the thing that makes me happy the most is knowing that you've got people around you that care about you"

Post one hundred and sixty five

2006-01-28T22:44:00.000+13:00

So many humans do not see you nobody see you nevertheless as I in the shade of your light whole far there in the back sit I I need you -ich to custom ' your light from the shade can I you see me to non you know me not nevertheless from the distance dear ' I you I respected you admire you I hope ' for you desire you Erfuehle you experience you accompany you raise you cannot no more live without you
imethis are the morning after and my soul lie fallow this are the morning after a new day begin and my time run all this write ' I you and more still braecht ' I to paper Cannot ' I with words all suffering my love you describe the message to deplore being supposed these lines to carry only I dear you to say nevertheless tonight erhaelst you this I pray which you this reads in the Morgengraun erw

WTF???

every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Post one hundred and sixty four

2006-01-27T01:00:00.000+13:00

im getting better. the road to recovery is steep but hopefully 2006 will be kinder to me, it's allreaddy showing me its nice i just need to do the rest myself. internaly im going to try.

gosh they are sad people

2006-01-26T15:08:00.000+13:00

Hi, Im only 15 and I've been cutting myself sence i was 13 years old. I dont know why i do it. I think i do it to get the pain out. I have also made suicide attempts. I think im an ugly hooible person, and i just want to die, please help me!

I will try to help you.
I think about suicide regularly. I haven't added much to this world. Anyone who is here can go on without me. I feel the pain of depression every day. I can't feel the happiness I should. I'm tired of medication and trying to find something that works. It comes back so often. The feelings of failure and looking back at mistakes. What can I offer anyone when I'm locked up inside myself. I want to give up. I don't have the ambition anymore.

Thank you for writing me.
Hi, I am a 29 yr old female that has tried numerous times to kill myself. I sometimes think I am better, but then I just get "lost" in this deep depression and I can't seem to get out of it. I have been hospitalized, on different meds and nothing seems to help. I am a College student doing very well, but there are times that I still feel so worthless and that I will still not mount to anything. I do not know where these feelings come from, and I am so sick of feeling like I do. I just feel like the only way out is taking my life. I know I would hurt a lot of people around me, but I still feel as if I would be better off if I did commit suicide. I think it crosses my mind at least once a day, and it is like I just can't control it. I am seeing a psychiartrist and psychologist, but nothing seems to help me. Is there anything out there before it is to late for me? I don't wanna die, but it is like I can't control it anymore. The more I have done it, it is like the easier it is for me and I am not afraid like I was. I have tried to talk to people/friends/family, but no-one seems to listen or take me serious until I do do something. Then they worry for a little while and then it is like "she won't do it again, or there is nothing wrong with her"... etc... please help me!

I will try to help you.
Im not at the point yet that i think about suicide all the time, but i have in the past and i probably will in the future. i always feel so alone and i am constantly depressed. i have nobody to turn to. im not a religious person so i don't turn to God. i don't know what to do anymore and im tired of crying at night. i don't know what to do.
hi. (umm i am like sorda nevous about telling a stranger this but i know i need help.) look i am 14 almost 15 and well i am depressed. majorly depressed. i have no life. i mean come on, i have no friends, i am picked cuz my apearance is different, soccer practices are really crappy (i get made fun of, tripped, soccer balls are kicked at me, and the rest of it.), my parents are constently yelling at me, i lock my self in my room and think of ways of suicide. i have tried suicide once but i couldnt go through with it. basicly i tried cutting my throat (i cringe at the word knife now.). i i am supposidly catholic, but i dont understand anything. i have researched other religions and they seem "fake" too. there is like only one thing that i understand and it is more of a culture not a religion and it is goth. i mean i love arts, music, i live my life in the dark, and so on. i dont know what to do. i am lost in this world. and i know that i wont understand it. all i think about now is suicide. my school grades are low, i dont do any work, and all the teachers hate me.

i know that a 14 year old person should be having the time of their life and stuff but i'm not. i try to live my life as long as i can, but my efferts will fall short soon i know it.

well i mise well get going. umm just e-mail me when ever..if you want. adios

Post one hundred and sixty three

2006-01-26T14:08:00.000+13:00

i want you to understand that as you read this i am going through the most intense pain.

picture bop und mich

2006-01-26T00:40:00.000+13:00

the way you cry
i see it each night
your love filled heart
i imagine its beat
yours eyes that sparkle
i dont want the tears to roll down
your beauty
and you kiss me

:reprise:

I see your tears
And I hear you cry
I long to be with you
Until I die ...
I long to hold you
And to love you
To just hide you from the world
I see it on top of your shoulders
And long to remove your pain

post one hundred and sixty two

2006-01-26T00:14:00.000+13:00

ana's whispering in my ear again

he makes me sad. and questioon. they both do. all of them gah. lollipops.

final post - bacon cooked in piss

2006-01-23T12:06:00.000+13:00

i am over my deppression. when i started this blog i never thought i could say that but i think i have survived it and come out a better person. but who am i now? im being to understand that and i think i can tell you.

I am Zanny :)

this is the end of insanityparade as you knew it.

thanks gos to: mum, ben, nana, dad, olly, mike, sam, adam, dawn, weston, sue, lyssa, lucinda, raoul, lucretia, mark, inez, steven, paul, callum, nadya, peter, hamish, kate, nipples, aleks, jeremy, mux, sofia, mat, alan, craig, atrius, vaughan, tyler, james, ross, jason, jason, alan, and anyone else i have missed.

post one hundred and sixty

2006-01-23T12:03:00.000+13:00

hanged out with adam and sam in town yesterday.

REVIEW OF MY BIG DAY OUT 2006 - post one hundred and fifty nine

2006-01-21T01:21:00.000+13:00

TOP TEN LIST
1. the happyness on drugs at mars volta, i took drugs that olly offerd me in a cleche 'goth gives the baby bat speed' kind of way. not that it was speed (ick). nothing much happend untill we had barged or way to very close to 'the mars volta' stage (missing out on iggy pop.) i instantly felt ti it was fucking amazing. the only way to discribe it is image you ARE the song 'just like heaven' by the cure.

2. taking drugs (ritz and pils)
me and luchia took some ritz, didn't do anything to me but it fucked up lu sooo bad. she was havign the best time. the pills were nice too first time in ages that ive enjoyed a drug.

3. meeting black metallers and goths
ohhhh de sexi gothis wit de black and oooh pierced boys i just want to EAT them in a sandwich with gothic sauce.

4. the rides
fucking scary but yay i was the captin and thease chicks all played planes with me heh

6. looking so cool pll ask me for photos
i looked fuck-able. lots of goths asked me for photos.

7. mudvayne mosh pit
nothing too fucking amazing but its still worth a mention. a whole load fo sweaty men. the songs dig and happy were fucking great!!

5. sola rosa spirutual dancing
the whoel room was just intranced by sola rosa's music. everyone was dancing sort of in a spiritual way just free tot he music. bloody brilliant.

8. white stripes! or the drunk german guy
white stripes rocked out to fuck. the drunk german guy...well i think ill remember him a while so im not gunna talk about his anti-rammstein antics

9. emos!
i even got a back massage from one. i have a feeling they arn't just gunna fade out.

10. crying
was a nice contradiction to how i normaly feel at bdo. set me up for a evne better time with the goths and on drugs.

im sorry

2006-01-19T18:42:00.000+13:00

im sorry for everything ive put you through. i love you and allways will. please play the cure.

post one hundred and fifty eight

2006-01-19T16:49:00.000+13:00

Sie sind mein Sonneshine
mein nur Sonneshine
Sie bilden mich glücklich
wenn der Himmel grau ist
Sie wissen nie, Liebling
wieviel ich liebe dich
bitte nehmen Sie nicht meinen Sonnenschein

post one hundred and fifty seven

2006-01-18T18:01:00.000+13:00

i never would be invited to the

im not going to stop you from going to hospital again zanny. just keep it up, i wont stop untillm your dead.

im not going to stop untill i have to go to hospital or be put on drugs or die

post one hundred and fifty seven

2006-01-17T01:29:00.000+13:00

post one hundred and fifty six

2006-01-16T22:45:00.000+13:00

i feel sick. im numb,. i hate you. god will it ever change sue no no.

maybe ill be a whore, wuith ntohing.

post one hundred and fifty

2006-01-16T17:47:00.000+13:00

happy one hundred and fiftyth lie, for you are nothing inside.
--------------------------------------------------------------

second step:
into hypoteticly, the if sea a you person and was me to all have these a years male no and one this heard me male i'll run was show to you have in a spring friend run it's called a ice treacherous would thing said we person missed continue you with hissed her the male lovecats even we're if so its wonderfully rocky run wonderfully or wonderfully risk wonderfully sea ice pretty! even oh though you he know may that reject i'd a her do or anything ignore for her you or we leave the should for have another each country? other

post one hundred and fourty nine

2006-01-15T22:33:00.000+13:00

into the sea! you and me!

the cure. durgs. love cats! hahaahahaha

post one hundred and fourty eight

2006-01-14T21:36:00.000+13:00

im buzzing.

um, yeah, um,, weston is hot.

post one hundred and fourty seven

2006-01-12T23:37:00.000+13:00

i have ha this blog for so long its kinda nice.

today we tripped and then we starved and yeah um alein sex feind. lucy is staying the night tomorrow :). bloggy, i name my blog, 'basil'